so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He felt like a one man threesome
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
