I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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