At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
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It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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