why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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