i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
