Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
