Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
