I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i think my cat just said my name.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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