My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
