And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
