If i come over, it means nothing
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
50% drunk capacity currently
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
