I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
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Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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