The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
