there was a trapeze. enough said
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
