We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i dont even know how to be here
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
