His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So vagazzling was a success
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
