I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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