I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
