when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
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the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
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there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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