I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
