ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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