NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
