just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
