Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
