allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
