Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
