i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
