i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
