piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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