you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
