I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
