Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
