In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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