i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
