I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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