WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
is that a dick in a sweater?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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