last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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