your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
why didn't you poke me back
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
