Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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