is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
