once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
