maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
