Joe is yelling at the trees again.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
