If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
