I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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