Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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