i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize
