It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just forgot I was standing up.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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