i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
