some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
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