My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
