all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
