please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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