If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
