I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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