lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize