Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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