Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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