Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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