yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
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She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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