I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
