she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
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I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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