I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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