Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
