I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
