how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
