I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
