you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
