so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
