Walk of Shame. In a state park.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
