I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
