Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
