Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
