Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
