I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
