"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How does one acquire holy water?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
