the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
