eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
