And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
