I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
